IVF. No Luck. Just a Lot of Love.

Originally Posted  March 10 2006

Well after all the build up..

A restless nights sleep and churning stomachs our big day arrived.

We have been upbeat, but at he same time making sure that we were not getting ahead of ourselves.

As there was every possibility that the result would not go our way first time round.

We headed in this morning to the IVF clinic for Lou to have her pregnancy test.

A nice quiet breakfast and a long drawn out wait of a few hours, that honestly felt like an entire day.

Then we called and with a simple “We’re Sorry” we knew the worst.

Bean had not made it.

Talk about hollow.

There is no way to describe it. You know that you have done everything right.

Followed the rules and yet Mother Nature decided that today was not the day.

I can’t say I feel sorrow nor disappointed.

I can’t say I feel loss nor resentment.

I can’t say I feel angry nor cheated.

I just feel empty, watching my beautiful girl struggle with the her own emotions.

There is so little to say.

Just watching the one you love have her & our dream slip away.

Us blokes are meant to be grounded, realists and pragmatic in matters of the world ! Bollocks!

Although its not our bodies that are put through the daily rigors of blood tests, drugs and all that goes along with creating the ideal environment for an IVF pregnancy.

You still cuddle up at night knowing that there are 3 of you, in hindsight, if only for a few days.

And when you sleep, you let your aspirations and desires for the future into your dreams. But still you have no say and no control.

Men & Women both want the same when it comes to family. The joy, the happiness and all the other emotions that comes with knowing you are going to be parents.

You just have to believe in next time.

I’ll cherish this first experience. Take from it what I can. Change nothing.

Be grateful that I can love and be loved.

And wait with all the anticipation for our next chance.

 

To all that have sent their best wishes and support we both thank you. It makes it so much easier to forge ahead towards our dream, that some day will become a reality.

Skew.

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~ by Rob McClintock on March 10, 2006.

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